*20點*煩請各位幫手改一改e篇英文ge文法同有d咩更好ge詞句可以改 / 加上去 ,THZ

Good morning everyone, today, I would like to show you a photo in which you can see my old classmates. (Using compound sentence would make your presentation more stylistic other than using two simple sentences) This photo was taken when I was in primary six. It was a meaningful year (no s for year) for me because it was the last year we study studied in the primary school so we go went camping together and (don’t use we again here) took this photo before leaving (leaving is a gerund and it would make the sentence less clumsy) the camping ground. I framed the photo (you can’t just put the photo on your desk without framing it, can you?) and put it on my desk to help me recollect the 美好回憶wonderful memory (don’t use between us) and also help me to memorize their faces and their names so that their faces and names will remain in my mind for good. (Your sentence is alright but is like a direct translation form Cantonese. Besides, “for good” is an expression meaning “forever”


Comment
1.Your English is pretty good but careless mistakes occur as you forgot using past tense referring to past action. Hence, you have to check you composition carefully and don’t get sidetracked by other mistakes. Deal with one grammatical mistake each time. Besides, make use of different kinds of sentence pattern don’t stick to simple S+V+O pattern all the time.

2.You can end your presentation by drawing your audiences’ attention to their personal experience. For example:
“How about all of you? Is there anything which you would never forget or which really means something in your lives? If there is, even you haven’t got any photo to keep this precious memory, you can constitute (create) this image again in your mind now and keep it forever.”

(Good morning, everyone.) Today, I would like to show you a photo. In this photo ,you can see my old schoolmates, This photo was taken when I was in primary six. It was
(a meaningful year ) for me because it was the last year we (studied )in the primary school so we (went) camping together and we took this photo before we left the (camp site). I put this photo on my desk to help me recollect the (lovely memories among ) us and also help me to memorize their faces and their names.

As for the ending, you can talk more about the happy times you spent with your schoolmates. They may be the reasons why you value your friendship so much.

Good morning everyone, today, I would like to show you a photo. In this photo ,you can see my old schoolmates, This photo was taken when I was in primary six. It was
a meaningful years for me because it was the last year we study in the primary school so we go camping together and we took this photo before we left the camping ground. I put this photo on my desk to help me recollect the glorious memory between us and also it's a very good way to help me to memorize their faces and their names.