求職面試的英文自我介紹

I am XXX of 23 years old, born in Hualien. I have just graduated from xxx and my major is finance. My family consist of 4 members which are parents and 2 children, and I rank the eldest (There are four members in my family; I’m the oldest kid. I usually (can) get along well with my friends because (as) I am optimistic and outspoken. My hobbies are enjoy (listening to) music, reading, traveling and doing exercises. During the summer vacation in college, I worked part-time as debt-collecting clerk for Standard Financial Co., Ltd.
(大學時期的暑假，曾在標準財信股份有限公司擔任過 電話催收工讀生) In the working experience (While working there), I study to (learned) how to reply (deal) with guests (well and patiently). There is anything to be wanted patient treatment (omitted). Although I am not fully experience with the job (Green as I am), I will try my best to learning (learn), reaching the goal and targets set by (how to meet the needs of) the company. Even though my English is mediocre, but I can use simple English to communicate with simple conversations (people). However, (omitted) I do (omitted) think that it is (it) (very) important to be able to (omitted) speak English well. and it is a basic skill. (omitted) I will try harder to learn English well.
Thank you for your listening, I appreciate your time and interest. I hope I can have the opportunity to join the xxx Bank soon (omitted) to .put my knowledge to its best use.

I have been working as a part-time telephone bills reminder at my college summer break.

一般很少人講 mediocre 你講average 或 so so 就夠了,不必咬文嚼字
最後面也可以改成 many thanks for your attention
一般考官不喜歡聽這種制式的講稿 每次都講自己會多努力
家裡狀況, 他們要聽的是為何要來他們公司上班, 是因為知道他們公司的運作方式比其他公司遠見?, 常推出對社會大眾有利的貸款方案之類,你越了解這家公司 , 你錄取的機會越大, 每個人都說我進公司後會努力打拼, 遵循管理制度, 這是面試,不是在寫八股文
應該多談談自己對這家公司有多了解

My name is XXX. I’m 23 years old. I graduated from XXX university. My major is finance.
I was born in Hualian.<You can introduce the place that you was born a little bit>
There are four people in my family. There are my father, my mother, young sister/brother and I. I’m the oldest child in my family.
<Then, I like to listen to the music during my free time. Especially, classical/pop/blue music, because………..>
And also I have lots of hobbies. For example: I like reading, jogging, hiking and traveling.
Finally, I think I’m an easygoing and positive person. I’ll try my best to learn and do anything I haven’t learned it before. I hope I have an opportunity to work here. Thank you for your listen.

I hope it's helpful to you.
~Good luck~

在回答之前 有看到一個錯誤 就是 enjoy music 就是翻譯前面的

那句 應該試 enjoying music 因為都事進行式

翻譯大概就是
While the summer vacation, I've been the person who call for the
hurrying money in the xxx company when I am in the university.

應該就是這樣啦 希望對你有幫助

面試要加油喔 Go! Go!

2007-09-04 21:53:20 補充：
把 enjoying music 和 doing exercises 放在後面 念起來會比較順