請幫助糾正與改善我的寫作 (Advanced Level)

It is rather awkward to imagine how difficult it is to seek a job in today's working environment. You cannot expect a quick response from the employers even though you have downgraded your request, such as your expected salary.

> It is rather awkward... The use of "awkward" is wrong here because of what you wrote in the second sentence.
> The first sentence does not add any value to the paragraph. What is your intent? I would recommend writing a direct statement like: "It is difficult to seek a job in today's work environment." It's straight to the point.
> working environment: (perhaps this is a BrE usage; I am more accustomed to "work environment") But, in any case, the use of "work environment" is incorrect here since it refers to the environment within which one works. You are probably referring to the "job/labo(u)r market."
> You: the use of "you" is poor here because the audience may not be a job-seeker.
> I don't see how a "quick response" has any relationship to a "downgraded request;" is it realistic to expect that an employer will jump right in just because an applicant is asking for a lower salary?
> Downgraded your request: "lowered" is more appropriate, and there is no "request" either. I guess that you are directly translating from the Chinese word 要求, and "request" is the wrong word in this context. You can use "demands" or "(acceptance) conditions."

Provided sufficient universities graduates in the market, employers certainly can choose the best candidiates to fill in the vacancies. What about the ones with less working experience and relativately low qualifications? Can they get a job they wanted easily?
> Provided: the usage is incorrect, since the subject of the following sentence (employers) cannot be the actor of the verb. If you mean "Provided that", the usage is still wrong. You can simply say: "Since there are sufficient..." or "With sufficient..."
> Universities: university is used as an adjective here, and so you do not take on the plural form - "university graduates"
> candidates (you had a typo)
> fill the vacancies (vacancy is the direct object, and it is being filled by the best candidates)
> What about the ones: usually we say "What about those..." unless you really need to emphasize
> relatively low... how low is relatively low? Don't throw in adverbs unless they can be quantified. You can say "lower qualifications," meaning that the qualifications of the individuals are below average
> they wanted: should be "they want"
> Can they get a job they want easily? is not technically wrong, but I would suggest that you place the adverb close to the verb that it modifies: Can they easily get a job that they want? so that your sentence cannot be misinterpreted

It is not hard to imagine how difficult on seeking a job in recent working enviroment. The immediate employment could not be expected even the expected salary be declined to far from satisfactory.

Those phenormenon were made by supply of university graduates is plentiful in labour market. Employer do choose the best candidate strictly to fill in the vacancy. How about the one by less working experiences and lower qualifications ? Can they get an ideal job easily?

I am afraid and there is not many have been experienced. However, I have a sudden recall for one chinese motto " You should be study hard, otherwise you will regret in the future. "

2007-08-23 14:00:53 補充：
correction:line 4 : phenomenon------ phenomena ( plural form )

What about the ones with less working experience?
應該係experiences.
Can they get a job they wanted easily?
句子唔清楚,都唔知你想講乜..
Here I suddenly recall what many seniors told me
唔駛用suddenly.