英文求職信中不肯定的幾段, (總覺得文筆不夠流暢, 文法有些錯) 可以幫我看看嗎

1.)I am an outgoing person and i enjoy talking to people, through cantonese or english.
應改做: I am an outgoing person and I enjoy talking to people both in cantanese and english.

2.)I used to be a promoter of residential telephone services. Job duties include urging people to sign contracts and having residential telephone services.
應改做:My first job was the post a promoter of residential telephone services. Job duties include urging people to sign contracts and having residential telephone services.

3.)Besides, I used to be a tutor in educational centre. The job require me to listen to phone from parents sometimes. So I believe that I have the ability to handle calls.
應改做: My second job was the post of a tutor in an educational centre. This job required me to answer phone calls from parents and help them solve their problems. This was a challenging job and I learned how to handle calls in a professional and pleasant way.

4.)Futhermore, I love animals very much since i was a child. I used to keep pets such as dogs, hamsters and goldfishes.
應改做: Furthermore, I love animals very much since I was a child. I am keen on petting small animals, such as puppies, hamsters and goldfishes.

5.)I am responsible and warmhearted of animals. Therefore, I am sincerely concern for the welfare of animals.
應改做: I have a strong sense of responsibility and carings for animals and I sincerely concern about the welfare of animals.

6.)I sincerely hope that I can be a part of the SPCA. If given a chance, I will thrive on hard to contribute to your Society .
應改做: I sincerely hope that I can be a part of the SPCA so I can help those homeless animals with my heart. If I am given a chance, I will thrive on hard to contribute to your society.

General comments:
Since you are applying in response to an advertisement from the SPCA, you should use "you" or "your organization" when referring to SPCA. Otherwise, your cover letter gives an impression that you are writing to somebody else.
Your academic records and work history should be included in your CV (curriculum vitae) or résumé, and there is no need to repeat the same information on the cover letter. Instead, focus on items that are not mentioned on the CV. Explain why you want to apply for the position and what you want to get out of the job.
Skip all the statements about "loving animals" and "concerns for their welfare." The employer will conduct interviews to get a better read on those aspects; putting such statements on the cover letter is simply an indication that you have nothing much else to say about yourself.If you want to throw the "trump card" about your the position realizing your dream child, give more specific examples why you want to pursue this career. What have you done in your 18/20+ years in live in taking care of animals? How did you take care of your dogs, hamsters, and goldfish? What did you do when they got sick? What happened when your pet passed away? If you cannot give any concrete illustrations, the statement about your dream is as significant as "I breathe everyday."You are a F7 graduate, and employers should expect a fairly organized cover letter for you indicating the position that you are appying for, a concise statement about your qualifications specific to this position, and your career aspiration. Make sure that you do not start every sentence with "I am this, I am that." -- this is too ego-centric.

Good luck to your application.

1. 首先要明白你和一般求職者基本的錯誤在那裡。(求職信的格式錯誤。收信的人面對數以百計同類信函，一看不合基本格式的便投廢紙箱)
2.A professional look covering letter with resume + photo(imaging is good enough) + mobile phone number是最少要求。
3.Simple and clear description in covering letter with no more than 5 paragraphs is good enough with summary illustration of your academic background. Your potential boss will only interest in whether you have experience or not in your job. As a fresh graduate, you are nobody and just one of the applicants. Therefore, you better mention something special (such as your attitude toward animals) in order to draw his attention for an interview. No need to appeal to cheap labour. Neither do hardworking is authentic to your potential employer.
4.Use the standard function of software(such as Words or Excel) for grammer & spell check even though your English is quite good before you finalize your letter and resume.
5. Fast response to the advertisement and remember to indicate your availability.
Good luck!


2007-07-22 00:36:18 補充：
covering letter 內容切忌長篇. resume 先排個人資料, 工作經驗( 以最近期開始), 再排學歷成績, 技能