我想寫封英文求職信, 想搵人幫我睇下寫得有冇問題, thx !!

The tense is not appropriate. You should use past tense to state a fact at a specified time.

I was graduated from the Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education in June 2007. I was awarded a Higher Diploma in Accounting with a credit. In the IVE, I took subjects such as Financial Accounting, Management Accounting, Auditing, Costing and Taxation. I have also acquired a certificate in Level 1 Book-keeping, Level 2 Book-keeping and Accounts, and Level 3 Accounting issued by the London Chamber of Commerce and Industry.

這是求職信嗎? 申請甚麼職位? 為何沒上文下理?
如果這封信能讓你有面識機會!! 這只有兩個可能性﹐一是advertiser之程度比你更低﹐二是他想看看寫得這樣差的人是怎樣!! haha

The CORRECT version should be
I graduated from the Hong Kong Institute of Vocational Education in June 2007.