給大學Professor的英文書信, 可否替我檢查文法?

Dear Professor Lee,

I am the girl whom you met at the cultural center last Friday.
My name is XXXXX and I am enclosing three samples of my work in my portfolio.
I would appreciate it very much if you could please comment on these.
Thanks in advance for your assistance.

Sincerely yours,
XXXXX

portfolio=作品集
好少會眾數

信中第三行有D重複左...comment意見/evaluation評估 都係差不多
Thanks in advance唔係Thanks advance

記住My name is同Sincerely yours後面個名要一樣 @.@
Good luck!

Dear Professor Lee,

My name is Peter Chan. I am the boy who met you in the cultural center last Friday.
Please find my portfolios as attached and kindly comment on them.

Thanks in advance for your perusal.

Yours sincerely,
Peter Chan

Encl.

(When speaking to a professor, I think you should use a more polite tone rather than a friendly tone, so avoid using [feel free]/[appreciated])

Dear Professor Lee,

I am the girl who you met at the Cultural Centre last Friday. My name is Peter Chan (note, Peter Chan doesn't sound like a girl's name =_="). Enclosed are my work profolios for your reference. Grateful if you could comment on them (more polite). Thank you for your kind assistance.

Yours faithfully, (or "Best Regards" if you are not writing formal letter)
Alan Pin

"I am the girl who met you in cultural center last friday" should change to be
"I am the girl whom you met in cultural center last friday"

唔知岩唔岩呢...我覺得咁樣好似好d...