i want your advice,please

i remember that i was one of the audience in a parade show last year.I supposed to have a fancy day, but eventually I had a bad experience instead.
Before the show began, many people had arrived earlier than me. And when the time i arrived at Tsim Sha Tsui, i felt very uncomfortable. Due to the weather was as hot as the water at boiling point, and many people were around me,i was barely to breath. i also forgot to bring a bottle of water, so i got dehydrated. At that moment, What I could do was that moved to farther position or continued watching the show.

A minute later,i became fainted and lost my conscience finally. The voice of boy, girl, children, and erdly seemed to move far away from me. Suddenly, an heavy thing pressed on my belly and i woke up immediately. The first sight i saw was a police who wore in green uniform and a green hat on his head,

he gave me a peaceful smile and comforted me. He let me understand what the human kindness is. Hence, they took me to hospital, and I left a day after.
When i got back home, i thoughtthat even though i missed an excellent show, i got a good experience that could benefit my whole life.

To the host:
I'm sorry that I seem to revise most of your writing. One thing I want to tell you that you have too much chinese-english. In gramma is correct, but in generally they are not right sentences. I have kept your meaning in my revision. the one but not least, you need to take care your "comma splices". punctuation is one of the most important components in a wrinting. I hope I could help you^^

2007-07-06 14:09:47 補充：
the temperature of melting chocolate is not too hot...that's why I typed the water at boiling point instead.

I think you want proof reading?

Here it is. Hope it helps.

I remember that I was watching a parade one day last year. That was really a very bad day for me. Firstly, many people had arrived earlier than me. When I got to the venue at Tsim Sha Tsui, I felt very uncomfortable. Because of the hot sun and over-crowdedness, I felt very suffocated. I also forgot to bring water so I was almost dehydrated. At that moment, I did not know what I should do. I was not sure whether to leave immediately or continued watching the show.

Shortly before the show finished, I nearly fainted. I almost lost my consciousness. All I could hear was the noise made by little boys and girls and other people around. Suddenly, I was being waken up by a strong press on my belly. What came to my eyes first was a policeman who wore green uniform and a green cap on his head.


He gave me a smile and comforted me, and I started to realize how good the human kindness could be. Later, I went to the hospital under their assistance.

When I went back my home, I thought to myself that even though I had missed an excellent show, I had got one good lesson, that is, the experience of luck and peace.

So that day really meant a lot to me.