Proof reading 4

listen to mrs. ho this morning,i had a strange thought.
(listen to mrs. ho this morning是一句子句，但若這樣寫的話，就沒有了主詞，成不了一句完整的子句；所以要用分詞子句Listening to msrs. ho...，分詞子句其實是有一個隱形的主詞，這個主詞就是主句的主詞）
what happen if people all had wings as well as legs?we could
（不用what happen應該要轉為未來時式，What will happen)
fly instead of walk if we wanted to!of course,
(instead of是介詞片語，後隨名詞或動名詞，所以句子應改為：we could fly instead of walking）
i was daydream（這句應用過去進行式，意思是我當時正發白日夢，daydream是動詞，並不是形容詞，所以句子改為：I was daydreaming)

after school,i went shopping with sally and may.then,may suggested that taking
(May suggested that應改為May suggested taking the mtr to...，若要用that，就是用了that作了從屬連接詞，那麼後面的是要子句，taking the mtr to...是缺了主詞，若要用that的話，這句就要改成May suggested that we took the mtr to...)
the mtr to admiralty .i,d never gone there before,and it was interesed to see all
(這句的問題出現在I'd never gone there before，你要記得表示「去過」「來過」之經驗時，要用be動詞的完成時式，而不可用go, come的完成式；go, come的完成式乃是表示完成了或結果。如：He has gone to America.[他已經去了美國（現在不在這裏）〕，He has been to American〔他曾經到過美國〕：
由此可見，你的句子應改成：I'd never been there before
and It was interested to see all shops是指to see all shops是一件有趣的事，所以要寫成It was interesting to see all shops

i didnt buy anything everything was so expensive
(這句由兩句子句組成i didn't buy anything和everything was so expensive，所以需要一個連接詞，句子應為：I didn't buy anthing because everything was so expensive)

**Capital for names and places.

listen to mrs. ho this morning,i had a strange thought.
**Use of English: Listening to Mrs. Ho this morning, I had a strange thought.

what happen if people all had wings as well as legs?
**Duplicate meaning: "people" is a collective noun for "all human beings", therefore, consider this:
**What happen if people had wings as well as legs?

we could fly instead of walk if we wanted to!
**Use of gerund: We could fly instead of walking if we wanted to!

of course,i was daydream after school,i went shopping with sally and may.
**Tense: Of course, I was daydreaming after school. I went shopping with Sally and May.

then,may suggested that taking the mtr to admiralty.
**Use of English: Then, May suggested to take the MTR to Admiralty.

i,d never gone there before,and it was interesed to see all shops.
**Use of English: I'd never gone there before. It was interesting to see all shops.

i didnt buy anything everything was so expensive
**Omission of Connective: I didn't buy anything because everthing was so expensive.

Hope this helps.