作文改正...高手請進..thx

㊣我改左啦~~
你要小心d眾數同單數,
而且唔好成日用同一個字眼,
會比較好,
而且小心d標點!
提你一樣野,
"but"lee個字,
最好唔好用係開頭同" , "後面,
要係中間,
如果一定要用,
就用"however",
或者用"although"個d,
如果唔係,
可能會錯grammer~
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My favorite character is Indian since he provides good services and low prices of products to clients.
He is an honest man.
Mrs. Packietide paid much money and risked killing a tiger, however, she shoot another target.
She killed a goat but the tiger died because of heart disease.
Mrs. Packietide used only one bullet killing two animals.
Although it is great, she felt joyless.

中英邊樣先得呀

改咩野啊，中定英?

因為他以價格賣對客戶和價值的好服務，所以我的喜愛個性是印第安人。他是一誠實的男人 PACKIETIDE 太太支付了更多的錢而且採取風險殺一隻老虎，但是她射擊另一個目標，她殺了一頭山羊，但是老虎死亡引起心臟病， PACKIETIDE 太太使用了一個子彈殺二隻動物，它很棒
但是她覺得不高興。