英文笑話演講

笑話第一篇（這篇若外國人看了一定會笑）
Adam and Joseph were talking about their families.
Adam said,"My grandfather was a very good conductor before he died"
"Was he a musician?" joseph asked.
"No,"said Adam,"he was struck by lightning."
亞當和約瑟正在談及他們的家人。
亞當說：「我祖父在他死前是一個很好的conductor(conductor可作指揮，或導電體解）
約瑟問：「他是不是一個音樂家？」
亞當說：「不是，他是被雷電擊中」

第二個笑話
The Bishop spoke to the congregation about the shortage of priests and nuns.
"Too many of you are only having one child and letting them go off into other professions. I propose that each family should have three children: one for the father, one for mother and one for the church."
A few days later, the bishop was out shopping when he saw a pregnant woman from his parish. But before he could say hello, she shouted above the crowd,"This one is yours, Bishop!"
有一個主教對他的會眾說及，神父和修女的短缺。
他說：「你們當中太多人只生一個孩子，並讓他們從事其他行業。我建議每個家庭應有三個孩子，一個為著爸爸，一個為著媽媽，一個為著教會。」
幾天後，主教外出購物，並看到一個他教區的孕婦，在他向她問安之先，她當眾大聲地說：「主教，這個孩子是你的！」

英文笑話演講

“Will you marry again if I died?” Wife asked
“No!” Husband answered firmly.
“Uh uh, don’t lie to me, I’m sure you will”
“Ok, may be I will” husband sighed reluctantly.
“will you share my bed with her?”
“yeah, may be I will”
“will you let her use my Golf clubs?”
“No, she is a left hander!”

Some time ago, zoo officials in Kirby Misperton, England, had to pay visitors for articles that were often stolen by monkeys. But what puzzled them was the favourite item the animals snatched : eyeglasses.

A thorough investigation revealed the reason.

The monkeys grabbed the glasses when the visitors leaned over to read a small sign on the wall of the cage.

And the sign said: “ Beware!! Those monkeys steal spectacles. ”

Three peoples live on 60/F.one day,the lift is not on servise.they had to walk on stairs.
A said'let me sing a song.' the end of the song is on 20/F.
B said'let me tell you a story.'the end of the story is on 35/F.
C said'let me tell you a joke......'the end of the joke is on 50/F.
A and B said 'your joke is funny!please tell us one more joke.'
C said'Sure,it's...my key is on ground floor!'
A and B was die......