有冇人可以 help 我睇睇 D文法有冇問題呀! THANKS!

The (design) in the PARADISO (Coffee) Bar is very old. In the bar, there is just one old man sleeping at the casher!

When he heard ( the opening voice of the door)( ,) he wake up quickly and (said) "welcome!".

We (ordered) 2 cup(s) of coffee and 2 piece(s) of sandwach. Because inside the menu, (there were no many choice for us).

2007-05-18 14:54:54 補充：
tense:1 line, "is", change to "was"2 line, "sleeping", change to "was sleeping"3 line, "wake" is also wrong, chance to "woke", as this is past tense.

The design of PARADISO COFFEE BAR is very old. There was an old man taking a nap at the cashier.

When he heard the door open, he wroke up and said "Welcome."

We order 2 cup of coffee and 2 piece of sandwich. Because inside the menu just have little choice for us to choose!

My suggestion to adjust (調整):
The design (設計) in the Paradiso Coffee Bar was very old.
圖片參考：http://hk.yimg.com/i/icon/16/31.gif

There was only an old man sleeping at the cashier (出納).
圖片參考：http://hk.yimg.com/i/icon/16/22.gif

{U hv aldy been talking about the bar in your 1st sentence. Hence 因此, we all know the place so that u can omit (略去) " In the bar " in your 2nd sentence.}
圖片參考：http://hk.yimg.com/i/icon/16/27.gif

When the old man heard the door opening, he woke up quickly and then said welcome.
圖片參考：http://hk.yimg.com/i/icon/16/34.gif

{There is no need to say opening " voice " while the word " voice " sounds like a burdensome (累贅).}
圖片參考：http://hk.yimg.com/i/icon/16/23.gif

We ordered two cups of coffee and 2 pieces of sandwiches as (由於) there are not much selections (選擇) inside the memu.
圖片參考：http://hk.yimg.com/i/icon/16/39.gif

P.S. 1. In general (一般來說), it is to use past tense or to use present tense for the whole passages so as to coincide (一致) for the whole case.
圖片參考：http://hk.yimg.com/i/icon/16/1.gif

P.S. 2. U are positive (積極的) in attitude (態度). Good trial (嘗試)! Good job!
圖片參考：http://hk.yimg.com/i/icon/16/3.gif


2007-05-22 13:22:04 補充：
Grammatical mistakes:
1. opening voice...(開門聲) - Chi Eng! Should omit Voice.
2. Sandwach - Should plural formal+typo, ie. sandwiches.
3. Because inside... - Because is a conjunction. Should be in a full sentence. Because there were not many choices for us inside the menu.

The decide in the PARADISO COFFEE BAR is very old.
The interior of PARADISO COFFEE BAR is very old-fashioned.

In the bar, there is just one old man sleeping at the casher!
In the bar, there was one old man napping at the cashier!

When he heard the door opening voice! He wake up quickly and then say welcome.
When he heard the door opening, he awoke at once and said " welcome " to us.

We order 2 cup of coffee and 2 piece of sandwich. Because inside the menu just have little choice for us to choose!
We ordered two cups of coffee and two sandwiches only, because there was limited choice in the menu !

The (design) in the PARADISO COFFEE BAR is very (outdated). In the bar, there is just (an) old man sleeping at the casher!
When he hears the door (opening), he wakes up quickly and then say ("welcome"). We (ordered) two (cups) of coffee and two (sandwiches) (because) inside the menu (there were just few choices) for us to choose!

The decide in the PARADISO COFFEE BAR is very old. In the bar, there was just one old man sleeping at the casher!
When he heard the door opening! He woke up quickly and welcomed us.
We ordered 2 cup of coffee and 2 pieces of sandwiches. Because there are only a few choices written on the menu.

sorry 我唔係太明你第一句的意思係唔係指 PARADISO COFFEE BAR (bar 的名) 的設計太舊, 係的話你可以講 the design of the PARADISO COFFEE BAR is outdated.

The design of PARADISO COFFEE BAR is very old. There was an old man taking a nap at the cashier.

When he heard the door open, he wroke up and said "Welcome."

We just orderd 2 cups of coffee and 2 sandwiches, because there was not much choice on the menu.