Can you check this,please!

If l were an Emperor penguin, l would pray to God to consider not snowing in the winters, giving me a fresh fish everyday but not a puffer so l would not have to tell myself how many calories there were in my food and I could enjoy eating and skinny-dipping until the moon sets.

With a simply life, the two things that counted the most were being well fed and warmth. If l felt hungry, l would sit on the ice sofa and look at the fish swimming in the ocean like they were being on sale. If l felt cold, l would huddle together with my fat friends sharing the hot chocolatier.

lf l felt lonely, l would find my parter and have a baby.
l would not know what would happen in my future but l would definitely know people would be happy when they saw me on the television if l were an Emperor penguin.

只係改左d 文法，整體黎講都幾好呀，本人英文麻麻，唔敢俾太多評語

有樣野要講，”如果”係ＩＦ，唔係ＬＦ

2007-05-06 20:02:41 補充：
向神祈禱係pray to God唔係pray God...to consider do not snowing呢度因為to consider係個phase既主verb，所以後面唔應該用do not snowing，應該就咁 not snowing...give me a fresh fish因為呢度係link返去之前to consider...果度，既然前面係not snowing咁呢度都應該係giving，唔係give

2007-05-06 20:07:33 補充：
l would need two thing are...呢度唔可以用2次主verb，你有need又有are，咁係唔得架，你可以或者寫做：I would need two things which are...咁就可以分做2個phase，每個phase有自己既主verb啦唔明你果度there are many type on sale既意思have our baby同have a baby既意思唔同，have a baby先係生小孩的意思回樓下：puffer係雞泡魚，puffin先係善知鳥

2007-05-06 20:11:33 補充：
l would huddle together with my fat friends share the hot chocolatier... 呢度都係，你前面用左would huddle，後面又用share咁係唔得架，所以我將share改為sharing，將個動作變做一種行動最尾果句唔明你咩意思，d人做乜要peek？我只係提及下主要既問題，果d小小既問題好難難得清楚，請睇睇我上面既correction啦唔明既請再問啦

If I were an emperor penguin.

I will pray for God not to snow in the winter and provide me with lots of fresh fish only, and none for the puffin. I will never remind myself how many calories in the diet. I will enjoy as much food as I want and skinny-dipping till the sun-rise.

Full tummy and the warmth will the be the only two things that I concern in this simple life.

If I am hungry, I can lean on the ice-sofa and see what is on sale in the ocean. If I am cold, I will cuddle with my fat buddies and share a cup of hot chocolate. If I feel lonely, I can find my soul mate and have some babies.

I may not know what will happened to me. However, I definitely know people enjoy seeing me on TV if and only if I am actually a penguin.

Your English is ok. Puffin is the sea bird, is that what you mean?