屋企方面係令我最唔開心既,因為我覺得係度得唔到我想要既愛,想要既關心,由細到大我都覺得mami錫阿哥多d,我阿哥中三比人趕出校,我阿媽而家仲日日比佢出街玩,佢夜晚2點出去玩到第2朝都得,返黎剩係講句去左邊就得(其實我知佢成日講大話..)相反我話去邊佢成日都唔比,我無講大話最後都唔比,哈,我阿媽就成日覺得我阿哥壞越壓制反而會越反叛,咁我呢?佢跟本就無理我感受樣樣ban哂.
好啦可能你會話我阿媽關心我,哈,但我唔覺,,,平日派果d exam paper呀,成績表呀,佢睇都可以唔睇,什至連我考試佢都可以唔知.(我講完佢就唔記得.)我唔係話因為呢d少少野就話佢唔關心我,但考試期間比少少支持鼓勵我唔得嗎?我絕唔相信一個識理個仔學業既人,唔識鼓勵下個女.我覺得係度真係好辛苦,無人理我,無一個人同我分享心事,我由細到大唔鍾意食西瓜木瓜蜜瓜佢地都唔知,有時仲一樣叫我食.我唔食話我偏食,,,咁係人都有唔鍾意食ge野架啦?點解連呢d佢地都唔知,好明顯無擺係個心度,連我工人連我阿婆都知,我真係勁dissapointed
我話想同朋友行街,,佢話我好物質,下咁點呀我d衫褲鞋襪佢地一件都唔買比我,又無叫我同佢地行街,乜?我話去睇戲,又唔比,叫我溫書好過,咁溫完書relax下都得?就算你唔關心我都唔該知道下我有無溫過Y,第一句就conclusion話我無溫,仲有我溫左又點無人會理無人會care.仲有我去睇話劇,佢又說貴,,咁係咁貴架啦,,佢地成日都睇演唱會tim啦,況且睇話劇可以訓練思考,睇一兩次者,我只係覺得佢地唔想哂錢落我度.
到左10月度.我叫自己放開d唔會再咁care..好,,我改變心態,但係無用,佢地三個一齊買ipod,仲無話我聽,係我自己發現.佢地根本無當我係女囉!!!!!! 我問佢地"做咩你地3個買唔買比我" 佢地話買比我都會唔見(我係好大頭蝦果d)其實我要ge唔係部ipod,只係一句說話姐,佢地都唔知見到佢地3個一齊買而我無既感覺有幾難受.
我好唔開心,有時諗點解係呢個咁虛假ge人倫關係上面,既然你唔care,唔鍾意我,我走又唔得,我話我唔鍾意佢地,又話唔可以咁講,話佢地養大我ge,咁講真佢地生我出黎梗係要養大我架啦,佢地跟本就為佢地既行為負責,唔係為我而負責,咁辛苦出去挨,,係為我咩? 唔係...就算我死左佢地都會工作,跟本就無關係....我真係受傷了.唔想再係呢間屋度.我要ge只係一個錫我為我既家人,唔係要呢3個陌生人,我寧願要一個無學術水平低收入ge爸爸媽媽都好過呢度,好似話有得你訓有得你食有書你讀仲想點咁.
我沈晚就大喊左一場,,,,我諗如果我再要生活係呢度十年八載真係人都din,,我為呢度改變左性格,,"扮"到唔care咁,發現到頭來都係會care,,其實.我已經分唔清我care定唔care,,,,,,,,,,好辛苦好辛苦.既然你唔care我ge感受,wtever,咁唔該你唔好平"遇"我既生活,唔好唔愛我仲握殺埋我d自由 我討壓這個家 _______
有無人話我知,我應該點做。