（２）可否幫幫我改一改d文法呀！！謝謝～

In the use of visual aids:
In this presentation I used Power Point, I did not give too much information to audience. I think that is good because it would not cause visual confusion to those audience. On the other hand, I had used some pictures to attract audience. However, I did not have enough time to stay on the key points.

used by = 被用，人不會被power point用的，所以改為I used
listener改為audience，listener 指的係聽眾，audience係視＋聽的觀眾
因為你用powerpoint present，所以用audience好d
On the other hand，個hand 係冇s 的

繼續... 第二段建議開始 :

Fundamentally, I have done a lot of research and prepared sufficient notes for the presentation. In order to let the audiences understanding the theme easily, it engaged with three segmentations with least texts and filled with drawings upon visual aids, the powerpoint, to illustrate my findings. 我也有將第三段的以下大慨意思加入了上句.
「In addition is the organization, I have divided my presentation into three parts. Therefore, can be easy to hear and understand what I said.」

Because of insufficient time assumption, I wasn't able to deliver all my messages and key deliverables among the presentation. Audiences were found lacking of interested and lost focus in my presentation. In which, I think I should have summarized the key deliverables and quick reviews to the audiences, before getting into details. Therefore, it attracts audiences attention right from the begining and allows me to pursue the rest. Overly details caused confusion and lost focus. Moreover, proper time assumption should be taken placed. Hence, I should have practiced as much as possible before any presentation in addition to learning from others.

*** 你明白住咁多先.. 因為... 太難改.. 全部都系「我估」. 下回再續..
話時話, 你乜程度? 我雖然唔算極好英文, 但如果你程度只系中一, 又用左我嘅回覆. 你老師一定懷疑..

1.I have not give---i have not given
2.because thus will not---because it will not
3.i had joined---i have joined
4.But i had---But i have

＾＾i hope i can help u!!!!＾＾