幫我做proofreading

Susan is a secondary two student who likes making friends through ICQ. (是不是part of a story？如果是，我諗將第一句轉埋做過去式會好d，但係如果係report既情況，第一句可以keep做現在式)One day, she made a new friend called Alan on the Internet. Alan sent a message to Susan proposing a date with Susan. Susan felt confused, so she asked me for advices.

唔好唔記得internet要大階Ｉ

最尾果個phase係ok，不過我'估'可能你既實意係 '... so she came to me for advices.' 意思上有d出入…

Susan is a secoundary two student who like to make friends through ICQ. One day, She made a new friend called Alan on the internet. Alan asked if Susan could have a date with him. Susan felt confused and asked me for advice.

你的文章已相當好，不過有時每一句昤承上句的，所以其實不用交代得太仔細。
e.g. Alan sent a message to Susan 呢句，其實可以不用。因為大家都應知道alan 是以 message 的形式與 susan 聯絡的。