how to write the application letter for school admission

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We are writing to apply for an admission opportunity for our son, Tom xxxxxxx, to your good school. Tom is now studying in xxxxxxxPrimary School. Like most parents in Hong Kong, we are facing a challenge in selecting a suitable secondary school for our son. We have visited your school during the school open day in March. We are impressed by the students academic achievements & the confidence shown in their demonstration of the result of their hard work. Surprisingly, Tom, just a primary five student showed his interest in participating in the various games arranged by your students. When we left your school, Tom told us that he has decided to try his best to get into ABC Secondary School.

From March till now, Tom has been working on his own initiative and he did prove his desirability of becoming your student. Not only did he get a remarkable result for the school examination, he also managed to obtain a reference letter from his Principal. We therefore enclose his schools academic reports and the said reference letter for your consideration and hope that you would return us with an application form and grant Tom an opportunity for interview.

Thank you for your kind attention and in case you need further information, please give us a call at 9999999(Father) or 96666666 (Mother).
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This is my composition and I used for my sons application