幫手睇睇d Grammer有咩錯ar! thx!

I am studying in Kao Yip Middle School and I am graduating in this coming June.

你話：My favorite subject is English and I like English very much.
咁你最愛科目係英文，又話你好鍾意英文，就有D類墜
My favorite subject is English and I always try to improve it.

你話：I think iium is a good university for me to study English. I hope I have this chance.
呢句最好擺最尾啦．IIUM係咪大學名呀？係就一定要全部大草．同埋呢句好像有點... 唔知呀... 你唔會想話我認為呢家大學配得起我來讀(淨係)英文(請原諒我譯得有點過份...) 同埋你申請得就梗係你有興趣啦, 我係你我唔會加多句 I hope I have this chance囉, 不過你想加都無壞...
I believe IIUM would enhance my academic skills, especially my English.

好像有D hard-sell, 不過唔知你想點...
In my spare time, I try to improve my English by listening to English songs, watching English TV channels, and reading books.

如果你話many hobbies, 就列最少三樣啦...
I also have many other hobbies, for example, photography, playing flute, hobbie X.
如果你真係得呢兩樣, 就話I also like photography and playing flute.

I am a student in Kao Yip Middle School, will graduate in coming June. My favorite subject is English and I like it very much. If I wanted to improve my English, I shall enter Jium that is a good university for me to study English. I hope I have a chance to enter. In my spare time that I always listen English songs, watching TV and reading books... Actually, I have many hobbies too. For instance: taking photos, playing flute...…

I am a student of Kao Yip Middle School.And I will graduated in the coming June.My favorite subject is English because I like to talk and listen English very much.Also ,I want to improve my English as well as possible .So Iium University is suitable for me to study English .I hope I can study in this University one day.
In my leisure time,I always listen to the English songs,watch the TV program and read the book.I have many hobbies such as taking the photos, playing flute and ......

這樣寫會好點：
I am a student in Kao Yip Middle School.I will graduate in coming June.
My favorite subject is English and I like English very much, so I want to
improve my English.I think iium is a good university for me to study English.
I hope I have this chance to study in this university.
In my leisure time,I always listen to English songs,watch TV program of English,
read books, ect. On the other hand,I have many hobbies.For example:taking photos,playing flute,ect.

I am studying in Kao Yip Middle School and will graduate in coming June. My favorite subject is English as I am getting more and more interested in this worldwide language. Being keen to brush up my English, I believe xxxium Unversity is a perfect choice for me. I hope I will have the chance to further my English studies in your University.

In my leisure time, I like listening to English songs, watching TV and reading books. At the same time, I have many hobbies such as photography, playing flute ......

i am studying in Kao Yip Middle School . And i will graduate in June.
My favourite subject is English and i love English so much. so i want to
improve my English. i think iium is a good university for me to study English.
i hope i have this chance.
in my spare time, i always listen English songs , watch TV programme ,
reaf books......On the other hand , i have many hobbies. for example:taking
photos, playing flute......

I am a student in Kao Yip Middle School and I will be graduated in the coming June.<---咁寫好d!!

In my spare time,I listen English songs,watch TV and read books.<----因為係always,,用返present tense is ok!!

For instance,<-------英文唔好用冒號

***I am a Form 6 student only, I hope i can help u=]**