請批改我的英文日記 (2007-03-19)

In Hong Kong, smoking is prohibited in shopping centers in accordance with the law. What will you do if you see someone breaking the law? Perhaps some people would ignore it that (the pronoun is "that" and not "it" because the idea that it refers to is "someone breaking the law", which is a concept and not a singular noun, and so you need to use "that.") and run away. I am not this kind of people at all.

In the afternoon, I came went to my friend’s home and then we went outside for dinner together. After that, we wandered through around in a shopping center. Suddenly, I found two men smoking there, and the air was thick filled with fumes.

I demanded them to put out their cigarettes immediately. One of the two men, who was very fat and (It is odd for someone to be fat and muscular at the same time.) muscular, glared at me. I also stared back at him with no fear. However, my friend pulled my arm and got me into a the (since the supermarket is a specific one, the one beside you) supermarket beside (I would suggest using the word "near," since you cannot be touching the supermarket as you walk) us. And the two men kept smoking and walked while walking (the two actions "walk" and "smoke" should be happening in parallel) along the arcade.

My friend told me that he didn’t want to be in trouble with me. To be honest, if I was were (you must use the third conditional here because you were indeed with your friend, and this "if" was for an impossible event) alone at that time, I would try to resist (you were not in battle, and they were not bullying you, and you could you not be resisting them; I would suggest "keep pressure on" instead) them until they stopped smoking in the shopping center.

IS THIS A HMWORK FROM UR SCH? U HV SOME WORDS WRONGLY USED.
1 IN THE AFTERNON I CAME(went)TO MY.....
2 I DEMANDED(asked) THEM TO PUT.....
3 .... VERY FAT AND MUSCULAR(muscled)

不錯呀, 但結尾不如加埋你的感受
例如見義勇為的行為, 很多時不被認同
或者大家礙於怕事, 即使明知有d 事係唔岩, 都唔阻止
後果可大可小~~
可能會更加好!
不過, 最緊要一切忠於你自己的想法/感覺