幫我修改呢篇文!!(20分)

老實講個句, 你係寫每年會點過, 定今年剛過了的x'mas.. 前者用simple present或simple future 都得. 後者用simple past. (簡單來說)..你上面有時好似前者, 有時又後.. 好亂.
仲有撇開英文唔講, 你個整體結構亂亂的.. 講係東講係西... 去去下op突然同一段又講打b-ball... 喂, 整理下你結構, d point的次序才寫.. 你咁present的話, 英文未比人扣分就己經衰左係結構..因為感覺好語無論次.. 同埋越講越離題同推砌..


係你把你的points重排次序及分類後, 再打上來叫人改英文...
仲有睇清條題目係問一向x"mas做乜, 定係上個xmas做乜.. 因為你上面有d屬前者, 有些只能for後者的題目.

2007-02-26 20:44:22 補充：
樓上兩位, 機動遊戲係rides. "I enjoy playing the big rides there. They are exciting."

2007-02-26 20:49:18 補充：
仲有如果你照抄樓上兩位同下面那位的位... 都是好多錯誤.. 同你原有的不相伯仲.你唔夠字的原因係樣樣都好似講d.. 講兩句就收檔, 所以好似多points..但實質會好低分.我唔知你幾年班.. 但點都執下次序先

2007-02-26 20:54:22 補充：
仲有英文系那位...頭兩句己經錯得有點離譜....原文的lantern冇錯... 仲乜要加個box字... lantern己經是燈籠咁解..話時話... 燈籠同x:mas咁都有關..原作者你都太誇吧.ps 我教英文的

This year I did up my room by putting up a tree and decorated it with tinsels and bobbles. In the afternoons, I revised half an hour everyday in preparation for the coming examinations. I then went shopping for presents for my friends and family and also went out chanting Christmas carols to people on the streets at night.

During the Christmas holidays, I went to the Ocean Park with some friends because I like to spend some quality time with them; to build up my social life. I especially like going on scary rides as it excites me a lot and also accumulates my confidence. I think animals are really cute; my friends and I went to visit the dolphins, pandas and monkeys at the park. Often I would play basketball with my friends because first of all, it is fun but most importantly it keeps me fit and healthy.

On Christmas day, I helped prepare Christmas dinner. There was roast turkey, honey ham, stuffing, gravy, apple sauce, chocolate châteaux, minced pies, short cakes, Christmas pudding and lots of lovely desserts. There were also a choice of cheese cakes but I am not particularly keen on them as they are very sweet. Later on that night, we went to the harbour where the lights were switched on they were having a fireworks display. It was amazing.

Lastly I had a trip to China where people celebrated Christmas by dressing up as Santa and angels. I thought it was very interesting. People also thought me how to make lanterns and I had a very enjoyable time with them. That is about all I want to say. Thanks.

For Christmas, I am always as busy as the Santa Claus.
I think to express your wishes to friend by X'mas card is another good choice.
IF you feel headache what gifts to buy.
I usually put alots of ornaments in my room.Its a nice atmosphere for X'mas carols also preparing the exam.

On X'mas Eve, we held a party with substantial supper .Turkey, cheese cake,fish,wine....But I dislike the cake because the smell is too strong.We took pictures in Victoria Harbour after the dinner.The view was really fantastic!

[Basketball is a healthy sport that i play quite often as keep fit.]can be canceled 2 strange to put it here.

A day after,we went to Ocean Park where a huge zoo assembled animals form the sky,
on the land, in the sea....I was fascinated with the aquarium!
My friends and me are both excited to the Mobile Games which are extremely tense!

I bought some masks like ghosts,witches and monster....during the vacation in China.
I even learn how to make a lantern.Its very interesting! I had a really good time stayed there especially the Cheap shopping!

This year I did up my room by putting up a tree and decorated it with tinsels and bobbles. In the afternoons, I revised half an hour everyday in preparation for the coming examinations. I then went shopping for presents for my friends and family and also went out chanting Christmas carols to people on the streets at night.

During the Christmas holidays, I went to the Ocean Park with some friends because I like to spend some quality time with them; to build up my social life. I especially like going on scary rides as it excites me a lot and also accumulates my confidence. I think animals are really cute; my friends and I went to visit the dolphins, pandas and monkeys at the park. Often I would play basketball with my friends because first of all, it is fun but most importantly it keeps me fit and healthy.

On Christmas day, I helped prepare Christmas dinner. There was roast turkey, honey ham, stuffing, gravy, apple sauce, chocolate châteaux, minced pies, short cakes, Christmas pudding and lots of lovely desserts. There were also a choice of cheese cakes but I am not particularly keen on them as they are very sweet. Later on that night, we went to the harbour where the lights were switched on they were having a fireworks display. It was amazing.

Lastly I had a trip to China where people celebrated Christmas by dressing up as Santa and angels. I thought it was very interesting. People also thought me how to make lanterns and I had a very enjoyable time with them. That is about all I want to say. Thanks.

鈴當=rings
so i spend half an hour on the studying in everyday

secondly,i went to Ocean Park with my friends because i like play the amusement rides.
中間冇句號, 如果唔係就犯fragment錯誤架喇
they make me feel excited

i saw the animals,like monkey,panda, etc.They are cute.i often PLAY basketball with my friends because i want to keep fit and playing sports would make me healthy.

on the christmas day,we had a special christmas dinner.it included a big chicken,cakes,fish, abalone, french bread, mango pudding, you name it.(應有盡有) i dont like the cheese cake because i think that the cake is too sweet.instead,(取而代之的是) i drank a can of diet coke. (健怡可樂) Soonafter we went to have a look at the beautiful scenery around the shore of the Victoria Harbour. The scene was really fascinating (令人陶醉的). And we took photos here.


lastly,i went to mainland China for a trip. people there painted their face as if they were ghosts,witches and monsters! They are so funny !my relatives there taught me how to make a lantern box, and i have a good time in china.
that's all i want to say, thank you!

firstly,i have decorated my room.i put up some bells in my room.so i was as busy as a bee ,i bought some little gifts for my friends. we song christmas carols.i also prepared for my exam.so i spent half hours for studying everyday. 補充時間：2007-02-26 20:25:39

secondly,i went to Ocean Park with my friends.because i like playing the (machine games?? -.-u can find out on the disney's website) .it can make me excited.i saw the animals,like monkey,panda ...they are cute.i often playing basketball with my friends,because i want to keep fit,the sport can make me healthier. 補充時間：2007-02-26 20:26:04

on christmas day,we prepared a special christmas dinner.the food includes a big chicken,cake,fish and so on.i dont like the cheese cake.because i think the cake is too sweet.then,we enjoy the city lights in victoria harbour the city seem very beautiful .so why we decided to take photo there. 補充時間：2007-02-26 20:26:14

lastly,i went to china for a trip.the people make a face ,like ghosts,witches and monster,something like that. they're interesting!the people taught me make a lantern,i had a good time in china.
that's all i want to say, thank you!

2007-02-26 20:45:02 補充：
文章用secondly,thirdly過出於formal,可轉用then,furthermore之類的

First,I have decorated my room.I put up some bells in my room,so I am as busy as a bee ,I always buy some little gifts for my friends and family. We sing Christmas carols.I also prepare my exam for half hours to study.

Then,I went to Ocean Park with my friends because i like playing the games .it can make me excited.i see the animals,like monkey,panda ...they are very cute.i often play basketball with my friends,because i want to keep fit,this sport can make me health.

on christmas day,we prepare a special christmas dinner.the food include turkey,cake,fish,puddings and so on.i dont like the cheese cake.because i think the cake is so sweet.then,we are admiring the city lights in Victoria Harbour ,the city is very beautiful .so we took photo here.

Finally,i went to china for a trip.the people change the face ,like ghosts,witches and monster,something like this.this is so interesting! the people teach me how to make a lantern,i have a good time in china.
that's all my sharing, thank you!

firstly, i have decorate my room.i put up some bell acts as in my room.so i am as busy as a bee, i always buy some little gifts for my friends. we sing christmas carols.i also prepare for my exam.so i use half hours for the study in everyday. secondly, i went to Ocean Park with my friends.because i like play the flexible game. it can make me excited.i see the animals,like monkey,panda ...they are cute.i often basketball with my friends, because i want to keep fit, the sport can make me health. on christmas day, we prepare a special christmas dinner.the food inclub a big chicken, cake, fish and so on.i dont like the cheese cake.because i tjink the cake is so sweat.then, we are admire the city lights in links two sides the city is very of Hong Kong beautifully. So we are in the shadow looks here. lastly,i went to china for a trip.the people make a face ,like ghosts, witches and monster,something like this. so interesting! the people teach me make a lantern,i have a good time in china.
that' s all i want to say, thank you!