英文作文(請修改作文和給分)

My favourite festival is Chinese New Year,because I can get red packet.My fast day
holyday,is going to Beijing travel.

這裡應作'I am going to Beijing for my holiday'同時亦留意holiday不是holyday,'is going to travel Beijing'亦不是'is going to Beijing travel'(或作is going to Beijing比較好)

I think,there was very intereting,because there had mang intereting thing,for example,The Great Wall,The Imperial Palace......

留意interesting及many串法,應刪去不必要的第一個逗號
因你已結束行程,因此不需I think.
'there had'亦是普遍「香港英文」錯誤,廣東話中「果度有」並不是there had而是there (be),全句應作'Beijing was very interesting since there are many interesting things like 'The Great Wall',The Imperial Palace......'

Now,I am in Hong Kong,in my travel,I was very happy,because I can see The Great Wall and it was very long and great.
這裡意思不太清晰,
初時看以為是「正在飛機上」
第二個逗號應作句號,因兩句並無關連
全句應作'I am in Hong Kong now.I was very happy while I am in Beijing because I can get a glimpse of The Great Wall,it is very long and great.

評語:
注意標點符號用法,
生字串法
另外不應用過多because,
多嘗試其他同義詞

評分:
contact:7/10
language:5/10
style:5/10

My favourite festival is Chinese New Year, because I can get red packets. I
travelled to Beijing on the first day of my holiday. Beijing was very interesting since there were many interesting places, for example, The Great Wall and The Imperial Palace.

I am now back in Hong Kong. I was very happy during my holiday because I could visit the Great Wall which was very long and great.


POINTS TO NOTE:

1. Use of plural and singular. I think when you get only 1 red packet, you won't like Chinese New Year. It should be that you get more than 1 red packets, then you like this festival.

2. Spelling: first, not fast || holiday, not holyday

3. Only ONE verb in a sentence. 'is going to Beijing travel' - 'is' and 'travel' are verbs.

4. Tenses. Have you been to Beijing yet? 'I am going to Bejing' is FUTURE tense which is for actions that have not yet been done. If you have already been to Beijing, you should use PAST tense, 'I travelled to Beijing.'

5. You do not need to say "I think", since this article is all about YOU, your experience and feelings towards Chinese New Year.

6. The word 'interesting' is not specific and was not good to be used twice in one sentence. Beijing and the places can be 'beautiful', 'traditional', 'huge' and etc. Also, for a native English speaker,'interesting' can have negative meaning of 'strange'.

7. Punctuation. Use a 'full-stop (.)' when you finish 1 complete idea/sentence. Use a 'comma (,)' to separate two related ideas in a sentence. 'Now, I am in Hong Kong. (this is 1 idea) In my travel, I was very happy because... (this is the second idea)'

8. Try to avoid using the same word in short articles, for example, 'because'. You can use other words which have the same meaning, like 'since' and 'as'.

Content 5/10
Language 4/10
Style 3/10

My favourite festival is Chinese New Year because I can get red packet.My first day of

my holiday was to travel Beijing.It was very intereting because there were

many intereting things to see,for example,The Great Wall,The Imperial Palace......

Now,I finish my travelling.I was very happy about the trip as I can see The Great Wall.

which is very long and great.

I don't know which form you are studying so I can't give a comment to you.
But I should remine you that there <--this word is never follow by have/has/had
only there is/are/was/were only
Also, you use too much because , you may use as or since 這些同義詞.
Moreover, (It was very intereting because there were many intereting things to see.)
the reason is not strong enough.