修改以下一段英文既fragment

2007-02-09 3:15 pm
The reasons for women drivers' safer driving habits can perhaps be found in the differing attitudes of the sexes toward automobiles. On the one hand, women drivers who regard the automobiles as a convenience. Like a washing machine. On the other hand, men regard the automobiles as an extemsion of their egos. Using it as a weapon when they feel particularly aggressive. Or using it as a status symbol.

回答 (3)

2007-02-09 5:01 pm
✔ 最佳答案
The reasons for women's driving habits being safer can perhaps be found in the differing attitudes toward automobiles between sexes.
1) toward autombiles 跟實 attitudes 好D, 冇咁混亂. 句子比較長
2) 我將 of the sexes 改左做 between sexes. of the sexes 係一個 adj phase 形容緊 attidutes. toward automobiles 亦都係做緊同一樣野. 所以我改做between sexes (adv phase) 黎形容 differing. 容易讀D.
3) women drivers' safer driving habits 同一毛病, 太多adj.

On one hand, women regard automobiles, like washing machines, as a convenience.
1) 删除drivers. 因為你之後個men冇用
2) like a washing machine 係 fragment. 移左上前

On the other hand, men regard automobiles as an extension of their egos, using it as a weapon when they feel particularly aggressive.
1) using it as a ...... 成句其實可以轉做一句 adj clause 黎形容 men. 既簡單又清楚.

最後 status symbol 果句可唔可以删除. 作用好似唔係好大. (我唔係好明) 又唔會咁累眾.

The reasons for women's driving habits being safer can perhaps be found in the differing attitudes toward automobiles between sexes. On one hand, women regard automobiles, like washing machines, as a convenience. On the other hand, men regard automobiles as an extension of their egos, using it as a weapon when they feel particularly aggressive.

2007-02-09 09:03:56 補充:
雖然我, 講真心咁講句, 段英文未必完全perfect. 不過第一位人兄未免離譜左少少.

2007-02-09 09:05:15 補充:
希望唔好話我人身攻擊, 我覺得樓主既英文絕對比第一位答者好.
2007-02-09 8:38 pm
The reasons for women drivers' safer driving habits can perhaps be found in the differing attitudes of the sexes toward automobiles.
這句寫得很好,沒有問題。

On the one hand, women drivers who regard the automobiles as a convenience. Like a washing machine.
句子用on one hand(不要加上個the字)有問題,因為你的one hand/the other並沒有對比的意思。句中的who用得不正確;因為其用法是relative clause pronoun,所以你的句子便沒有了主動詞。只是改文法的話,你的句子該寫成: Women drivers regard automobiles as a convenience, such as washing machines. 可是,我不明白你要表達甚麼意思。為甚麼「為了放便,像洗衣機」就代表女性司機開車比較好?

On the other hand, men regard the automobiles as an extemsion of their egos.
文法上,句中的automobiles前不可以有the,因為名詞是作泛稱用。An extension of their egos說得不正確,ego(自我)是思想上的東西,汽車不可以是自我的延續。你可以簡單地說:an extension of themselves.

Using it as a weapon when they feel particularly aggressive. Or using it as a status symbol.
這兩句沒有主語,所以不正確。句中的it有問題,因為句前沒有單數的名詞,所以it便不能指甚麼的意思了。我相信你是指汽車,但上句的automobiles是眾數,因此不可以用it去代表。

整段文章來說,你起初用了reasons,一個眾數字,但結果你只是給了一個原因,就是男女對汽車的態度。在說理上,句子的論點不夠強。
2007-02-09 4:38 pm
The reasons for women drivers' safer is the driving habits which perhaps be found in the differing attitudes of the sexes toward automobiles. Aside, women drivers who regard the automobiles as a convidence which like a washing machine. On the other hand, men who regard an automobiles as an extemsion(I don't think have this word) of their egos. They using it as a weapon when they feel particulary aggressive or using it as a status symbols.


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