誠請各老師和 高手 告訴本人那裡出錯? 修改一翻 : 會考自修生懇求

Dear Pat,
How are you? I am very excited to know that you will be returning to Hong Kong soon.
It is meaningful to spend the holidays on a summer job. (it's better to say: I think it is very wise of you to find a summer job during holidays because you are spending your time meaningfully.) I suggest you to go to the Labour Department here, because you would be able to find a wide variety of summer jobs and you can also register your name to its staff. When there a suitable summer job is available, they would inform you at once. I think it will be a convenient way for you. In addition, you can find a summer job on the local newspaper. It is also a good way to find yourself a suitable summer job that you will like/enjoy.
You can basically do whatever you like for your summer job. However, you should not work for jobs which may place you in dangerous situations, such as working in a construction site even if it will pay you more money than other jobs. （no need to use do, because you are comparing construction jobs with other jobs.）Some illegal jobs, such as selling drugs or prostitution (my idea), will get you into trouble. Moreover, there is a lot of scams/fraud used to deceive some students who hope to find a summer job as you do. Some of deceiver may request you give them a lot of money before you start to work. So you should becareful when you encounter these kinds of situation. Honestly, I think you can work as a waitress for the summer. I believe that you would be suitable for it.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours,
Jo Jo


Please note the changes in highlighted yellow.... and I think it's smoother now.

在你的xanga comment左你~
go and have a look~~~