誠請各老師 和 高手 修改一翻 : 會考自修生懇求

第一段:Peter, who was my best friend and good at computer skill.應改為Peter was my best friend and good at computer skill. 你O既寫法who was後面只係行者O既補充語,補充語完結之後你需要回到正句(動詞+受者),但係你冇正句.另一個改法係Peter, who was my best friend, is good at computer skill.兩個逗號之間係補充語,之後係正句.
So I often asked him something about computer homework and he would answer me clearly.something about 應改為 things about,因為你不是想指明某一件事,你只是想說"關於電腦功課的事".he would answer 應改成 he answered,沒有用would的需要. 開首的So 其實也沒有必要.

第二段arrived in應改為arrived at.
wait for other students finishing theirs應改為wait for other students to finish theirs.
在We was about to leave之前,需加上When.因為你是指某一刻.
half hour應改為half an hour.
這段你用了兩次We was, 請改為We were.
這段連續兩句你用了"We were very happy"作開首,是詞窮的表現,請改掉其中一句,如果真的想不到合適字眼,索性把其中一個刪去.

第三段,Only fifty minutes前面要加For.
he finished our homework 是否兩個人一起做一份功課?是的話,請改為we finished,如果是分別兩份,請改為his homework.
老師只借你們用三十分鐘電腦,為甚麼他用了五十分鐘完成還叫快?而且還有"spare time"?
I saw peter downloading something which I had ever seen. Peter 請用大楷.如果你一直在他身邊,downloading應改為downloaded,如果你走開了,回來時他在下載,請用was downloading. 後半句你是否想講 "I had NEVER seen"?
While we were waiting for the computer finishing, All of a sudden, the monitor turned into black and I could not read anything on it. "All of a sudden"應用在句頭,如想用在句中,請用"suddenly". black 不是物件,屏幕不能變成black,沒有畫面可寫成"turned black-out"."on it"是多餘的,請刪除.
The computer teacher with the angry expression on her face stood behind us and Peter was white as a sheet.我想Peter改成Peter's face會清楚一點.
I realized that Peter used her teacher downloading illegal software so she switched the computer off."her teacher"改成"her computer"."downloading"改成"to download". "switched the computer off"改成"switched off the computer".

第四段was restricted to use computer of school 應改為was restricted FROM USING school computerS. it 和 his own fault之間應是was.

看完全篇,關於全篇文章的第一句我有兩個問題:
1.Peter是你的好友,他的受罰你不應說成stupid, unhappy其實已經足夠.
2.你不是犯者,也不是受罰者,我不太認同"happened on me"這說法.個人認為"around me"會比較準確一點.

Recently, a stupid incident has happened on me. It was about my best friend Peter, who is very good at computer. Because of his skills, I often asked him things I do not understand with my computer homework and he would answer me clearly.

Last Saturday, we went to our school for doing our homework as usual. When I arrived at the computer room, I notice that there were many people. I understood that we have to wait for our turns to use the computers. We were about to leave and suddenly, the computer teacher stopped by and came to talk to us. She knew that we needed a computer for homework. We were very happy because she allow us to use her computer for half an hour. We were very excited about this and started to do our homework at once.

Peter is very good with computers. In only fifty minutes, he finished our homework and had some spare time left to do something we like. I saw Peter downloading something which I had never seen. So, I asked him what he did but he said nothing. While we were waiting for the computer to finish downloading, the monitor turned black all of a sudden. I knew something went wrong instinctly. I looked back and I knew I was right. The computer teacher had been standing behind us and she had an angry expression on her face. Peter's face was pale as snow. The teacher knew that Peter as downloading some illegal software so she switched the computer off.

In the end Peter was punished and he has to clean the whole computer room. In addition, he was restricted to use any computers in the school for year. Even though he was not very happy about it, he knew it was his own fault.

I think it flows better this way.