唔該幫手check grammar~~超急件 ~萬分感恩

2007-01-29 4:06 pm
以下係我改寫一個故仔的結局

Every one in the village was depressed, especially the woman, as the handsomest drown man in the world was going to leave the village after the funeral. They made a wooden coffin which was as large as an elephant for Esteban so that his corpse would not be engulfed by sharks while floating in the midst of an ocean.Then, they covered the body with a big piece of cloth which signed with all the villagers’ name in order to keep Esteban warm.
更新1:

The coffin was so weighty that required all the habitants to push it down the sea, afterward they were fatigued and decided to have supper together. Meanwhile, they found that there were only twenty persons at the gathering which indicated that one of the villagers was missing.

更新2:

Eventually, they realized the missing one was one of the children that had discovered Esteban’s corpse. Someone suspected that child was in the coffin since that child told one of his friends he had lost his wristlet while playing with the corpse and he would go to find it.

更新3:

Therefore all the sailors went to search for this child, yet unfortunately, nothing could be found. Since then, the villagers believed that giants are the symbol of misfortune and anyone who are tall were not allowed to enter the village.

更新4:

After many years, this village is well-known as “the draft village”. 因為字數限制,所以要分開貼。但其實係同一段來的

更新5:

改正: 最後一句應該係 After many years, this village is well-known as “the dwarves’ village”.

回答 (2)

2007-01-29 4:35 pm
✔ 最佳答案
EVERYONE in the village was depressed, especially the WOMEN, as the handsomest drown(??溺死;沈沒;浸沒??)man in the world was going to leave the village after the funeral.
OR ... ..., as Esteban, the handsomest man in the world who was drowned, was about to leave the village after the funeral.

They made a wooden coffin which was as large as an elephant for Esteban (您忘了 introduce 他了,我在上面的 OR ... ... 加上了) so that his corpse would not be engulfed by sharks while floating (不用说 in the midst of an ocean. on the ocean 已经有这个意思的啦!) on the ocean / sea.

Then, they covered the body with a big piece of cloth which signed with all the villagers’ NAMES in order to keep Esteban warm.

The coffin was so weighty that IT required all the habitants to push it down TO the sea, afterward they were fatigued and decided to have supper together. Meanwhile, they found that there were only twenty PEOPLE at the gathering which indicated that one of the villagers was missing.

Eventually, they realized the missing one was one of the children that had discovered Esteban’s corpse. Someone suspected THE child was in the coffin since THE child told one of his friends he had lost his wristlet while playing with the corpse and he would go to find it.

THEN (在这个 context 里用 Then比Therefore 流畅) all the sailors went to search for THE child, yet (这里不需要用 yet ) unfortunately, nothing could be found.

//Since then, the villagers BELIEVE (no d 在后面, 现代式) that giants are A symbol of misfortune and anyone who IS tall IS not allowed to enter the village.

2007-01-29 08:38:03 補充:
After many years, this village is well-known as “the draft village”. Why DRAFT?? Doesn't make sense ar...

2007-01-29 08:41:48 補充:
Sorry, 应该是: floating IN the ocean 至arm.

2007-01-29 08:43:50 補充:
Then, they covered the body with a big piece of cloth which IS SIGNED BY ALL VILLAGERS in order to keep Esteban warm. 比较简短
2007-01-29 5:15 pm
Everyone in the village was depressed, especially the women. As the most handsome man in the world was drowned, they had to leave the village after his funeral. They made a wooden coffin which was as large as an elephant for Esteban so that his corpse would not be engulfed by sharks while floating in the midst of the ocean.Then, they covered the body with a big piece of cloth with all the villagers' signatures in order to keep Esteban warm.

The coffin was so heavy that it took all the villagers to help push it down into the sea. Afterwards, they were fatigued and decided to have supper together. While they were having supper, they found that there were only twenty people at the gathering, which, meant that one of the villagers was missing.

Eventually, they realized the missing person was one of the children who had discovered Esteban's corpse. One of the villagers suspected that child was in Esteban's coffin since that child told one of his friends that he had lost his wristlet while playing with the corpse and he needed to go and find it.

Therefore, all the sailors went out to search for the child. Yet unfortunately, they couldn't find the child. Since then, the villagers believed that giants were the symbol of misfortune and anyone who are tall were not allowed to enter the village.

Years passed, and this village is known as the famous“draft village”.


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