英文評文 20 點

Dear Peter,

How's going?(How are you?/How're you going?) As you know, I joined a summer school programme in New York. I would like to tell you an amazing experience about my trip.

I have been in New York (for) two weeks already. The life there is totally different from that in Hong Kong. I lived in a local family who nearby my campus. The house is(was) very large and beautiful. I felt interested when I saw there are big garden in front of the house.([interested in...sth]./i felt surprised when i saw a[missing acticle] big garden in front of the house.) The garden as big as a Hong Kong small park! ([missing verb...] /The garden is as big as one of a small parks in Hong Kong.)

At School, I stay[pass tense is more suitable] in [missing acticle/pronouns] class with local students. They are nice and friendly to the other nation. Some of them are interested in China(Chinese) culture .They ask me anything about China and Hong Kong always(They always asked me the things about China and HK). No matter what class, they are still actively.(No matter what class i had, they were still active..) The Drawing class is sink into the memory of me.(i was impressed by the drawing class.) [Actually, i dont know what meaning you want to express in these two sentence. I just guess your meaning and correct it.] In the class ,the teacher give students a lot of free time and make some creative play with students. The students are very crazy but they are also enjoy the class. They may fall in colours and let you fall in colours.[???] Never have I felt so excited. The students there are more creative than that in Hong Kong because of the creative education.

I will be back to Hong Kong the end of next week. Anyway ,what do you think about my trip? Just two weeks, I have learned a lot of things about creative thinking. Also, my English is on the upgrade so much and I'm confident in speaking now. Why don't you to join a summer school programme as yet?

Yours
Chris

[suggestions], (corrections)
Your is english is quite Chinglish. If it is for HKCE, I think you need to work hard on it. It is not enough to get high mark but for pass. You need to read more books or newspaper in order to improve your english. the followings are the little suggestions for this passage.
Content:
1. u didnt express the point,you are leaving Hong Kong for the first time, very well. I cant find much words talking this points.
2. u can add more points on the different between HK n NY. I found one point, the teaching style, you have mentioned on your passage. this is the main theme of this passage.
3. You can decribe some points deeply. not only one or two sentense decribe the things, but also you need to explain why you/ppl feel that.
passage.
Grammar:
1. You must pay a big attention on your tense in this passage. Present, pass, PP tense are not allowed to use randomly.
2. One verb for one sentense.
3. some noun miss the article.
Style:
1. The style of this letter is ok since it is not a formal letter. Relax is allowed in this
2. If you want to get high mark, you need to use more phrases.

You can highlight the points of the questions b4 you compose a essay. And then you jot down all the points in the rough paper. thinking how to link up one by one.
All essay is formed by Introduction, Body, Conclusion. You must add more points on your Body of the passage.

Good luck!!!

最好寫多小小 就咁睇大概得二百字咁
有d字"大街"左 我諗你都係唔小心姐
feeling始終都係太小
最好有d有趣/深刻既事寫出黎啦 比如 迷路 當地d人點幫你咁 你又覺得d人點點點咁 又唔係既 你都可以寫埋香港人點點點咁對比 之後再寫一番感想都冇問題的
如果我比分既話 大概[2/5~3/5(比較難小小)]

幾好,....................................