My husband and I have been married a little over a year, and he is the sole provider of the house, since he is the only one that works. Oh, and we have no kids. We recently received our income tax return, which was one thousand dollars, and our first plan was to pay off a cash advance loan, which is 500, and save 300, then have 200 for us to spend. He is from Iraq, so he likes to help out his family when he can, and send some money over, and now he just told me he wants to send 300 dollars to his sister. I don't mind him sending money over, but we really arent at our best financially, have about 7k in credit card debt, and we live from paycheck to paycheck, and let me tell you, his check is sometimes 600 dollars, every two weeks, and that is HARD to stretch out. Ok, so my question is, should I tell him to wait a little longer to send the money, and save up, or should I let him do as he wants? I am the only that usually handles the money, so shouldn't I have a say in this?
更新1:
Ok, I was going to get a job, and even have an interview lined up but he didn't want me to go. Since I am going to school right now, he prefers for me to stay at home and focus on that. I have asked him plenty of times for me to get a job, and help out financially, but he refuses.
更新2:
Thank you for all of your supporting and eye opening answers. I talked it over with the hubby and he agreed to only sending half, and keeping the other half for us! And by the way, did anyone read when I said that he didn't want me to work?
✔ 最佳答案
Since he's the sole provider I wouldn't say anything. If you need more money why don't you get a job?
One thing that I haven't seen in any of these answers is this: If you two are married, then it should be an equal partnership. If he doesn't want you to work, then fine, you still have an equal say in the splitting of the money. Just because you don't work, does not make you a subordinate in the marriage, especially since it's his decision that you not work. I understand that he wants you to concentrate on school, but he should also respect your wishes as well and there should be a compromise.
I am the sole provider right now in my family too. My wife wants to work, but she can't because of an arm injury that she is recovering from. I would never make her feel that she has no say in the finances just because she doesn't contribute, and it's not even me saying she can't work! I may not always go completely with what she wants because I am better at the math/finances/planning than she is, but I always allow her to have input and say what she wants. If we disagree, then I weigh which is the better option. Many times, I don't want her option but it's the best and I do that.
That's what marriage is about -- a true partnership.
I would tell him straight up, "if I can't work, then I don't get penalized for not contributing, and my opinion counts equally with yours". If you don't establish an equal partnership now, then you'll forever be subordinate. That's not a marriage, that's a control situation.
If he insists on sending money, then tell him that he can send half of what you two had planned on spending and the other half is yours. If he disagrees, then you may want to rethink if this will work. Stay until you finish school and then give it some hard thought and decide if it's really a partnership.
I have a couple suggestions for ya! I'm a newlywed myself so I understand.
1. Your household should take priority over anything else. When he married you he committed to taking care of you first!
2. Maybe you should try to help the situation by finding a job, even if it's temporary to help pay off some of the CC debt.
3. You should never let your husband do what he wants just because you don't want to confront him. It's a marriage, it takes 2 people to make it work. It's about doing what's best for your family, even if it is only the two of you for the time being!
I wish you the best of luck!
Absolutely! Does he know the details of how much your bills total? Maybe it's time for a financial meeting. Sit him down and talk to him about your finances. Show him how much you owe, how you stretch out his paycheck and how much the $300 would help your situation. Ask him how he could help you make up for the $300 elsewhere (e.g--he stops renting movies, stops buying lunches, etc.) or maybe you could compromise and he could send less. I'm sure his family is important to him and he wants to help where he can.
One way to limit these types of situations in the future is to have mine, his and ours money. "Ours" pays for mutual bills, credit card debt, rent, etc. "Yours" and "His" is the amount you budget for each of you to spend per paycheck. Even if it's only a few dollars, it allows both of you to spend or save as you wish and the other partner has no say in how the money is spent. If necessary, you should apply that to the tax return. That way, if he wants to send his share to his family, he's welcome to.
he should wait a while until you guys are better off. there's no point in helping someone if you're not well first
why not split the difference? let him send over 100, you keep 100 and the other 100 put towards the household expenses. this makes it fair.
by the way--600 every two weeks is better than 620 a month for a family of five.------so yeah stretching is hard.
There's nothing wrong with helping your family out but you need to make sure everything is financial alright with you first.
It's only 1 thousand dollars. In the big scheme of things it's really not that big of a deal. But I can tell you by experience, if you have a chance to help someone else out, do it. It will come back to you ten-fold.
Aside from that, never use "extra" money to pay bills. You will always find yourself behind. Use the extra money to have fun and enjoy life.
I wouldn't "tell" him to wait a little longer, but suggest waiting and explain why. If he is a good head of household, he wisely listens to the counsel of his helpmate.
This is a really tough decision, and I think you should offer a compromise. If you usually handle the money, then you sit him down, preferrably with a chart or spreadsheet or just a list of debts that you all have, and show him how sending $300 to his sister seems a bit too much given the circumstances. You should ask if maybe $150 or $200.00 would be OK, and see how it goes. ALSO, I think you should get a job and help out, then you will have some of your own money. Whatever it is that you earn, keep a portion of it in your own account, and put the rest towards the household. He's a good man that he wants to help out his family, that's very respectable, just as long as you guys aren't going into more debt, because then it's just poor money skills.
My sisters ex-husband used to send his mom in the Phillipines money every month and it ended up in divorce. Her not being from another country found it so hard to ever accept not knowing their financial situation over there. Her divorce didn't end because of it, but the fights were mainly the reason for constant unhappiness leaving her miserable because he too was to sole provider and she was at home with a baby. Many of times he would leave them with no money in the bank account and she would have to call one of us to borrow some money to buy formula for the baby or pampers and food. It was horrible. Stop while your ahead.
If you worked you wouldn't have this issue. If there isn't anything wrong with you then you should help out in the relationship.
Tell him about your financial situation. Perhaps he could send his sister $100 so you won't feel the crunch as much until your finances are in better shape.
let him know that understandably he wants to help out his family..but what use is it to send money when you dont have that much money yourselfs...you will be in the same situation as they are if you dont help yourselves first. Just have a sit down with him and tell him when we can be a bit better off and can live within our means...and have that extra money to send over there that you would be glad to..but until then we have to catch up our bills so we can do that for them without hurting ourselves more. And by all means..pay off that pay day loan!!!!!! very very important first!!! those people prey on the average middle class people who have a bit of trouble once and a while. By all means pay off your debt first...i just went through bankrupcy and learned the hard way...take care of your debt first then once you are financially a bit more stable..then help those family members out.
Speak now or forever hold your peace. If you don't say something, then you will always be in debt. Why would he want to help someone else out when you can't even help yourselves out first?
參考: Common sense.
i agree i would sit down and tell him how you feel about it marriage is a 2 way street. explain that you are all for him helping his sister but he should save up and than send it to her
Save and take care you two first. I am married to a forener, and it will never end sending money out, until you put a stop to it.
參考: m
it is great that he wants to help out his family, but shouldnt his first priority be you and him, why should u two struggle for the sake of others. its different if u two are well off for him to send what he can but if ur struggling he needs to get his priorities straight.
If money is tight then you should explain to him that, while you don't mind him sending money, the finances for the both of you come before his family back in Iraq.
Of course, if it's some sort of family emergency where his sister actually needs the money more than you do at the moment then he should probably send it. If he wants to send it simply because he's got a little extra to send then you'll have to talk to him about it.
you should at least express your concerns to him.
Can't provide much advise here since I'm still single but you really should find a job to help out the family.
stop sendin money to people and b@#@# get a JOB
