請幫我睇下有無錯，如果有既錯係邊同埋要點改！

You are my lover in my life.
邊個既生命先?要寫返'my', 尤其是呢篇文章好著重你自己感受
I think you are very smart, but being smart is not enough.
You have to put more effort on your work because your hard-working will make me happy.
第一個on唔要, 應該係put effort on sth
When you are teaching your classmates to do their homework, your charm will show up in my heart and not stop touching my heart,
要留意有邊d動詞係to+inf.,邊d係+動詞ing, 有D係兩個都可以用但係意思唔同, stop就係其中一個好例子喇
1. stop + to + inf.=原本你做緊既野停止左, 之後做第二樣野
2. stop + 動詞ing(G.)=停止你做緊既野
因為你係想講你愛既人既charm冇停止過touch your heart, 所以用第二個
make me so excited and then I will be crazy in my own world.
excited係形容詞, 你既感覺, excitation係名詞
At the moment, I cannot hear, see or speak and also stop thinking.
stop既用法頭先講左, but有相反既意思, 但係你既然失去睇, 聽, 講同停止諗個個人既能力就唔使用but, 我用also
Thank you for your charm which makes me full of hope.

2007-01-15 01:10:18 補充：
Don't give up!雖然用Do not文法上冇問題, 但係比較formal, 似有命令, 指令, 規則既意思; don't會informal一d其餘兩句冇問題

You are the love of my life. I think you are very smart, but being smart is not enough. You have to put more effort in your work, it makes me happy. When you are teaching your class (你係想講佢教o個班定佢同學? 同學就用返classmates), your charm shows up and it touches my heart; it makes me so excited that I start going into my own crazy world. At that moment, I cannot hear, see or speak but to dream. Thank you for being so charming, it lights my hopes up. I will always support and be there for you. Please do not give up!