幫我睇下呢篇的文法~~~~

In summer holiday, I went camping with my friends on an outlying island.But it is frightening!When we arrived at an island,my friends were seeing a beautiful view.There were many pretty girls,much beautiful house......etc.Building my tent next to a deserted village,I walked in outside.Moreover,my friends were designing what game to play at night.(仲有點,會在補充貼)

*In summer holiday >> During summer vacation
*But it is frightening >> What does "it" refer to? The trip itself? In addition, since the trip had already passed, you should use past tense: the trip was frightening.
*arrived at an island >> By this time, you need to use "the island" because you must have arrived at one specific island.
*were seeing >> This is a past event: "my friends saw..."
*much beautiful house >> House is a countable noun, and so you need to use: many beautiful houses.
*Building my tent ..., I walked in outside >> What do you want to say?
*were designing >> I suppose you mean "were deciding"

Suddenly,I saw a girl that she wore long, navy blue and V-neck dress.She was the most pretty that I had ever seen.So,I ran into her and wanted to talk herself. Although,she was disappeared!I was scary and backed my tent.
* I saw a girl that she wore >> You need to brush up your skills on relative clauses: I saw a girl who wore ...
* dress is a countable noun >> wore a long, ..., dress
* pretty has only two syllables, and so you normally would use "prettiest."
* to run into someone means to meet someone unexpectedly; I think you mean: I ran to her
* you talk to her (object pronoun); she talks to herself (reflexive pronoun)
* disappear is an action verb and so she disppeared. (You cannot use passive voice here.)
* "... was scary" >> what was scary? The fact that the girl had disappeared?
* backed my tent >> went back to my tent

At night, since I had been scary for a girl,I was eating dinner on edge.My friends looked at me nervous to ask me that if I was ok.I replied that nothing.After eating dinner,we were playing ball game. I woke up before we were tired to sleep in our tent at midnight.
* "scary for a girl" >> what do you mean?
* I had been scary -- this means that you were scary, and had been scary for some time. I suppose that you were scared, not scary.
* "eating dinner on edge" >> what do you mean?
* My friend sensed my nervousness and asked me ...
* I replied that nothing >> Did you mean that you did not reply, or that you had no problems?
* After having dinner, we played ball games. (Ball games??)
* I woke up before we were tired to sleep ?? How could you have waken up before you went to bed?

Suddanly,I saw something very strange.No! It's her! I was suspected that she was a ghost.I backed my friend's tent to ask help for them immediately.My friends woke up and out of the tent to see. 'There is no other things.We back my home by ship tomorrow.' said my friends.
* Suddenly
* I suspected (you are the one who has suspicion) vs I was suspected (someone has suspicion about you)
* I went back to my friends' tent to ask them for help (Do all your friends live in the same tent?)
* to see (vi) means to understand; you need to have an object in your sentence: My friends woke up and got out of the tent to see ...
* There is no other things >> They saw nothing.
* We back my home by ship tomorrow >> We would be going home by ferry tomorrow
* You take ships to go to other countries; within Hong Kong, you take ferries to go the outland islands or across the harbour

I peered around here,wasn't found a girl.I thought I had seen a ghost
* peered around ??
* here >> you have to use "there" because you are talking about a past event and you are no longer physically in the place where the incident happened

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