高人指教,唔該!

The main purpose for contacting China factories is to make sure the productions are on schedule. What we need to do is request a quick response from the person in charge of production. Once the e-mail is sent, we will contact the corresponder immediately to corroborate that he has received the e-mail, then ask him to provide an accurate time of when he will be available to give an official response to our inquiry (let him know that "ASAP" will not suffice). By following this process, we will solve most of the issues that should arise from the production process at our earliest convenience, thereby enabling us to arrange shipments without delay.

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"用so that連接唔太好" : true, because that's rather informal. You can replace SO THAT with AS A RESULT or THEREBY. Note that THEREBY can only be used after a comma because it is a type of conjunction. Also, THEREBY is always followed by a present tense verb (ie. allowing, rendering, obtaining)

hope that helps :D let me know if I edited any portion wrong.

at our earliest convenience? <----講到好似唔係好緊要甘既。 乜唔係要好緊張咩？
改做 at the soonest manner. 甘會唔會好的呀？

不過你段野，唔好怪我直言
好長，好噚。

不如俾我寫段精簡版，睇下點。
We have to contact the person who is in charge of Shipping at the China Factory. We have to find out the exact ETA (Estimate Time Arrival) from him or her. Written confirmation is needed by neither email or fax.
By doing this, we can ensure to solve any problem may arise at the soonest manner.

Hello,

1) Give a (validly prompt) reply.
2) Why "by doing this"?---{連接作用） It uses to"articulate the [cause] and [outcome]". [Cause]-- keep all the things (email sending, phone call making) on track.
[outcome]--solve any possible production problems.
3) Options about use "so that" or not:
1.our earliest convenience, as an aim of enabling us
2. our earliest convenience to enable
3 our earliest convenience so that shipment would be arranged on time without delay.

Hopefully, it helps
Cheers!

2006-12-15 11:37:18 補充：
P.S: We can't use "so that" and "enable" simultaneously.Cheers!