I want to introduce myself in english(about interview)

Hello; Mr/Ms. XXX
I've read your prepared draft about the introduction. Well, as an interviewee, who's gonna have a businesslike interview, we shouldn't use the words like "不過始終覺得自己唔舒合個行", should we? Instead, we should say "i've built skills and personal qualities by working", remember, it's cool to get job experience by working in a range of field. Well, that's just my point of view,,,anyways...i am tryin' ,and i hope it will help...

Start:
I was very pleased to read your advertisement in the XXX for a new staff to join your company, and i'm keen to be considered for this position. My name is XXX, 24-y-o, lving in SSPO (Why do you wanna tell them that you're living with your family?). I've have built on job experience by working on hotel, supermarket and office for the past few years, and I've worked in a variety of working environments: I worked in a large hotel as a waiter, where i learnt customer service skills. I learnt the skill of basics of sales by working in XXX supermarket for 18 (?) months as a shopping assistant. And i also gained communication skill and teamwork skill by working in an office for 18 (?) months at Oct 2005. Through my work experience i have gained a range of skills, and i believe my skills and experience match your requirements. I like each new challenge, and i'm an enthusiastic, creative person who is very quick on the uptake, and am very hard-working. I believe this will assist me in all areas of this position. I would very much like to work with you, and your compacy's reputation is second to none. I will contribute what i can afford to culminate profit for your company. So, i would very much like to be the flest blood of your company. Thanks a lot.

Cheers1

2006-12-15 10:17:24 補充：
P.S: I don't think it's appropriate to tell"需然人工唔錯 (They don't care.) 不過我覺得自己e 仲後生 (you've told them you're 24-y-o, ain't you?) ,應該要搵份學到野既工黎做" (Crap!)Cheers!

2006-12-15 10:30:43 補充：
Oops, awful typo "flest blood" should be "fresh blood"--the last sentence: So, i would very much like to be the fresh blood of your company.

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若果你的面試是要用英文的，在這裡幫你譯了以上的一段也沒多用，因為在對答時的問題你都要自己去應付。若是你覺得自己能以足夠的英文去做對答，那麼我就認為你最好是用自己所懂得的英文去寫以上的。

你開端的幾句該是：
My name is XXX. I am 24 years old. I live in Shamshuipo with my family.