How to ease the relationship between mother and daughter?

Try stands on your mother's side, she is keen to protect you all the time. May be talk to her frequently, via phone or face to face, avoid using memo or notes.

Mother wants to know you more, if you respect her, she will be happy. Once your mother and you setup a friendly relationship, she will let you free.

By the way, if you are under 20, thinks that reports or requests your mother's "approval" (means let her know only) to every outgoing activities with your boyfriend, it may helping to break the barriers.

Good luck!

Originally I prefer not to answer your question because most likely my answer will not be your choice. However, I think, to be fair to your mother (a person who is closer than your friends, a human), I should say something and hope this helps.

You asked this question, that means you are still a good daughter. You still love your mother and hope to improve the relationship. The relationship become bad usually because of not enough and poor communication.

You promised to go to Shenzhen with your mother, you should then keep your promise ! It is a kind of respect to anyone !! If you were your mother, what do you feel ? If you want to meet your boyfriend too, why not also inviting him to go to Shenzhen ? Is it really so urgent to meet your boyfriend at once (how about next day) ? If you can meet boyfriend on that day ONLY, you should explain this reason to your mother, ask her to forgive you, schedule another day for the event RATHER THAN just wrote a memo to her. Just write a memo rather than talk directly to your mother - again not respecting her !

Your mother said you do not know how to be a good daughter, she said so perhaps because you are not respecting her (not because she wants you to leave your boyfriend). It is totally unfair to say that -- She do not know how to be a good mother, she do not want her daughter be fortune -- because of this kind of event ONLY.

If you married with your boyfriend, suppose you take care of your boyfriend, if your boyfriend suddenly cancel an appointment with you because he want to meet a friend and he wrote a memo to you, what do you feel ? If you become angry, what do you feel if he says that you do not know how to be a good girlfriend / wife ?

Ask yourself, is it very often that you IGNORE your mother a lot because you want to meet your boyfriend or similar reason ?? Have you NOT respect her as your mother ? Am I right that your TRUE answer is Yes ? If yes, that is why your mother said you do not know how to be a good daughter.

You mentioned you cannot say from your mouth and so wrote a memo, that means from your heart you know you were wrong and guilty ! You do not have courage to face your mother !

Taking care of you is a kind of responsibility of your mother, however, it does not mean that you do not need to respect her ! You know that if you cancel the event, even your mother is angry and unhappy, your mother will be still there and take care of you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE FROM YOUR MOTHER !!
One day, you may be a mother of your child too !! Think of it !

Because your mother need to take care of you / other child during last 10 years or even longer, now she may not have many friends. Or in her mind, YOU, HER LITTLE PRINCESS, is very important to her. That's why she wants to have chance to stay with you. (just like you want to meet your boyfriend). Most of the time she wants you to be happy. How come you cannot try to do something to make her happy ?

Boyfriend is important BUT family is also important. If your boyfriend is mature enough, he can understand that you should spend some times with your family.

Please talk to your mother, tell her your reason to cancel the event, tell her what you think, try to digest and understand what she said, ask her try to understand what you think. Both of you will understand each other because you both love each other !
If not, please find someoneelse to help e.g your dad, your sister, your brother, etc. More Open Communication can improve relationship between you and your mother.
Last but not least, if you love your mother, please bear in mind to make her happy and respect her.

At this stage, perhaps you may not agreed what I said.
In future, when something suddenly happens to your family, you may regret because you cannot redeem anything by that time.
So from now on please start treating your family better.

If you are old enough (i.e. age 18+), you can simply move outside and live with your boyfriend. I believe that your mom is deserved to be fairly treated but not a daught like you.

I do agree with your mom said that you care your boyfriend more than your family. see what you write in the last sentence. In your mind, the meaning of fortune to you is everything about your boyfriend. You put your boyfriend in the first place and don't care about your mom.

How come you don't say a word to your mom when you decide not to go to Shenzhen with your mon? You can't do that even to your friend. It's a kind of respective. I can't image how I feel if my daught behave like that.

Good luck to you