呢兩段野同埋句野有冇野錯??例如grammar

Please note some words in the original passage are erased.
I assume you are not talking about a specific company like ABC Company.

1.
Market competitions NOWADAYS ARE SHIFTING from product to service, and every company IS PAYING more attention to the EXCELLENCE of their customer service. More and more organisations are realizing THAT quality customer service is the key to ACHIEVE customer LOYALTY and COST-SAVING. Therefore, a SUCCESSFUL company HAS TO DO well in CS.

2.
PROVIDING excellent CS is the key to success and IT IS NO LONGER A SECRET that a service without satisfied (internal or external) CUSTOMERS will SOON become UNCOMPETITIVE. THAT SAID, the company needs TO KEEP CLOSE TO THE MARKET AND CONSTANTLY LOOKING FOR POTENTIAL IMPROVEMENTS, IN ORDER TO improve the existing SERVICES to keep customers LOYAL WHILE AT THE SAME TIME ATTRACTING more potential customers.

3.
GIVEN the above examples, their services are shown to be customer-oriented.

1) today --> nowadays

2) What do you mean by ^moving from product to service^?
Do you mean the focus/ emphasis is shifting?

3) has put more attention --> has paid more attention

4) How can ^the competition of every company^ pay more attention to something?
you should write sth. like ^Every company is paying more attention to achieving excellence in customer service^ (customer service excellence: a Chinese construction of noun phrase, doesn't work for English!)

5) ^achieve well^ is not clear. How can well(adv.) be achieved(v.)? It must be followed by a noun! Well, you can say ^do well in...^. (I suggest you not to use the abbreviation CS, readers won't understand directly and readily that it means customer service...)